If You Find Yourself Broken Hearted on Mother’s Day

Spring seems a natural time to attune to the archetype of mother. Everywhere you turn the earth is giving birth. It makes so much sense that we celebrate motherhood this time of year. As Mother’s Day approaches, I am reminded of how complicated this day is for so many of us. 

For the mamas who’s care keeps the world turning, who are chronically under-resourced.

For those of us with a strained relationship with our mother.

For the mothers with a strained relationship with our children.

For those of us who yearn to be mothers.

For those of us who never wanted to be mothers but didn’t have a choice.

For those of us who never got the mothering we desperately needed.

For those of us who never got to be the mother we dreamed we’d be.

For those of us with dead mothers.

For those of us with dead children.

For those of us who never chose motherhood and feel diminished by this day, as though our choices are less.

Notice the particular quality of your relationship with motherhood and Mother’s Day. 

What does Mother’s Day mean to you? What memories do you have of your mother that stick with you? What feelings does this time of year bring up for you? What’s a thread of grief you carry around motherhood?

The archetype of the mother is the keeper, protector, and giver of life. She brings life into the world, nurtures and protects until it is time to empower and initiate. Each of those roles plays an important role in our development, not only as individuals but as members of a functional community. 

For such an essential human function, we put so much pressure on one day to adequately imbue the role with the importance it deserves. It makes so much sense that this day brings up complicated feelings for so many of us. 

In our individualistic patriarchal society, so many of us did not experience reverence around the powerful gift of the mother. If our mother didn't receive that gift, she likely struggled to pass it on to her children. So many mothers have had to go it alone. We were wired for communities of care.

We are also resilient as all get out and many of us are learning to get our mama needs met. We are out here reparenting our inner children. We are learning to notice who in our lives feel like safe and secure attachment figures, and who does not. We are becoming the mothers we need.

How do we cultivate and embody our own inner mother? This is a question I sit with as I contemplate a day that has historically been very painful. I share these thoughts as an offering of relational balm for our deep tender mama wounds. 

Be tender with your heart, dear one. If no one has told you today, know that you are doing so well. Against all odds you are alive on this earth at this exact time and that is nothing short of a miracle. You are here. You are now. You matter. Your wholeness matters.